Unfaithful
Written by Heather Norgren on January 23, 2021
For the first 10 years of our marriage I struggled to stay faithful. It wasn’t the typical unfaithfulness that comes to mind when you think of the word but in turn was the same root issue. My husband was trapped in an addiction and I was trying to figure out ways to get him out. The reason I say that I had a hard time being faithful was because for those 10 years I lived in survival mode and functioned completely out of my instinctual nature. I was in the relationship but I wasn’t faithful to covenant. I had promised to love and honor for better or worse and for years it was so hard to be faithful to that when it felt like the other person wasn’t. Faithfulness isn’t just our commitment to our spouse, it’s the commitment we make to the Lord the day we say “ I do.” It’s a steadfastness to be beside that person God has chosen for you in the toughest moments of their life and let them know you aren’t going anywhere.
For years all I did was try to manipulate and shame my husband into making changes I wanted to see, when I should have been encouraging him in the ways he was already succeeding in. I was so busy pointing out all the ways he fell short, that my own mind became poisoned in the process. It was like I thought that if I encouraged him and poured into him I was afraid that he would think he was doing everything right and didn’t need to change. The enemy had duped me and I fell for it for a long time. I didn’t think my husband was capable of having his own convictions and needed my help in seeing all the ways he fell short. I did not remain faithful or steadfast to my commitment to love and honor him, instead I shamed him and tried to control him.
I knew deep down something needed to change or our marriage was going to end.
I came to the Lord broken and undone by the pain of it all and asked him what I needed to do. I heard no answer until the next time my husband had another relapse and it was like I came face to face with the devil himself. I had a choice to make, was I going to be faithful or would I continue to function out of my flesh? I remember exactly where we were but not much of what was said in that moment. The only thing I remember is seeing my husband looking at me with despair and shame in his eyes and once again apologizing for the ways he had hurt me. The anger I felt boiling inside of me was too much to be measured but in that moment the Spirit of the Lord fell upon me. I heard Him say, “ I need you to be Me right now and let your kindness lead him to repentance.” I don’t remember much else of that night other than Michael told me that I wept with him and told him I wasn’t going anywhere.
That was a monumental night for both of us in our walk with the Lord and things have been different since then. Through many ups and downs, I slowly learned how to encourage my husband in the things he did well and watched as my husband blossomed into the man of God he is today. I had to retrain my mind(and my mouth) to see the good instead of the bad. To see that he put his bowl in the sink and look past the dishes left on his nightstand. To thank him for taking out the trash and tell him how grateful I am for how hard he works instead of wanting to complain about something . This was a painful process for me because I didn't feel like I should have to praise him for things that he should just be doing automatically but God had asked me to be faithful and I committed to do just that.
As wives, we hold the greatest point of influence in our husband’s lives. Proverbs 18:21 says, “ The tongue has the power of life and death.” This is especially true within the context of marriage. There is no one who can build up a man like his wife and also no one who can tear him down more than his wife. Ladies, we hold massive influence and it is our God given role to encourage our men in letting them know we believe in them and can trust that God will honor us when we choose to sacrificially love our husbands. So take the challenge, encourage when you feel like nagging, praise when you feel like complaining and watch as the Spirit of God moves in your husband to bring him into a deeper knowledge of sacrificial, faithful love.